The New Yorker
How to Be a Mysterious Woman Who Is Also in Bed by 9:30 P.M.
McSweeney’s
I’m A Middle School Boy, And I Refuse To Wear Anything But Basketball Shorts In The Winter
The Woman From Tom Petty’s “Free Fallin’” Would Like to Clear a Few Things Up
Weekly Humorist
Items in My House Ranked by How Quickly They Slid Down the Guggenheim Ramp
We at the Bob Committee Are Here to Diversify Your Company
The Belladonna Comedy
I’m a Modern Day Orpheus: I Attempted to Rescue a Deleted Photo Out of My iPhone Trash
Parenting Tips From This Excellent Book I Have Read Three Pages of, Flowers in the Attic
How to Break up With the Man Half of a Centaur
As a Therapist in Haddonfield, I’m Frustrated I Don’t Have More Clients
Disney Villain Sidekicks Share Their Health Insurance Complaints
Karaoke For Cowards: 10 Go-To Songs Where You Don’t Actually Have to Sing
Slackjaw
We, As A Collective Audience, Have Decided Against Saying “Good Morning” A Second Time
My Name Is Clippy And The Truth Is I Just Want Someone To Send ME A Letter
“If It Bleeds, It Leads” Creator’s Lesser-Known Catchphrases
The Children Of The Corn Enter Their 50s And Offer Advice
Ten Thought Spirals While Leaving My Wallet Unaccompanied At The Beach
Hi, I’m A Depressing Documentary And I’m Here To Ruin Your Weekend
Ten Things My Health Insurance Company Expects Cause I’m Turning 30
I’m A Snake St. Patrick Drove Out Of Ireland: This Time Of Year Is Hard For Me
Clean Truth Or Dare Prompts For Christian Teens
I’m The Number One Newborn On Forbes’ Thirty Under Thirty Seconds
I Joined The Cult From Midsommar And It’s Not Going That Well
I’m Eli Whitney And You’re Going To Fucking Love This Cotton Gin
So Long Big City, I’m Ready To Move To Moo Moo Meadows
A Real-Life Emily Pitches Alternatives to “Emily In Paris”
Funny or Die Contributor (Written with Pitch Team):
12 Ways to Make Sure Everyone Remembers You at Your High School Reunion
Here’s Some Other Stuff:
Emily Menez 